Button, button, who's got the button?
by Andrei
Summary: Severus Snape is bored. So he decides to play a game on his fifth year Potions Gryffindor/Slytherin class. Warnings: a swear, mild sexual jokes


The authors of this story own none of the characters portrayed on this sad mongrel piece of fiction all characters belong to J K Rowling We are but poor high school students of Australia (not a high paying occupation) But despite these pitiful conditions we are not making any money from this. We wish we were, but still. . .no one wants to buy fanfic. Plus it's probably illegal. This takes place in the 5th year of Hogwarts hear ye hear ye. There are of two authors of this fic, who will claim it when she can. And not get her friend deleted But on!  
  
Snape surveyed the classroom and mentally rolled his eyes in disgust. 30 incompetent students that he was supposed to teach. And every single one of them was giggling, over that wretched Harry Potter. Even the boys, which was the really disturbing thing. Not that he was homophobic because he most certainly was not, much. but of all the boys int the class .. well maybe a new train of thought was required. He smiled evilly, he would play. . . a game.  
  
"Now, as many of you may know, Veritaserum is a truth potion. We're going to play a little game of 'who's got the button?'. Here, ther are thirty beakers, 25 filled with water, 5 filled with the strongest truth potion known to the wizarding world. Each of you will receive a beaker, and drink what is contained. Then we will commence play."  
  
Thirty pairs of eyes stared at him dumbstruck.  
  
"But sir you cant be serious. . ."said Malfoy, stunned.  
  
Snape thought to himself for a second, how good it would be to rig the beakers so that the little blond prat ended up with one of rorted beakers, but no, he had to lay favouritism or else certain colleagues of his would smell a rat. No, it was too much fun to pass up. He would. He was evil, after all. He handed out the beakers, making sure Potter and Malfoy received the potion. "Now, who has the button? Button, button, who has the button?" Snape swirled around the classroom evilly as the students drank the potion. He smirked as he considered his first question. "Now, Mr. Weasley, ask Mr Potter a question."  
  
Weasley stuttered for a minute and then asked, "Ummmm, what mark did you get on your Divinations assignment?"  
  
"Twenty out of fifty." Harry said automatically, and a look of panic spread across his face.  
  
"Mr Potter, now you get to ask someone a question, but not Mr Weasley. Anyone else in the classroom."  
  
Harry swallowed and looked across the room  
  
"Pansy. ..would you ever go out with Crabbe?"  
  
"No. Draco, what do you really think of your father?" Pansy asked maliciously.  
  
"I think. . ." Draco fought the words as they came out of his mouth, a look of blind panic overcoming his usual indifference, "That he's a blond prat who should cut his hair, and wash it a sight more often. He needs to stop being an idiot and become less anally retentive, and oh god, I can't stop saying this!" He clamped his hands over his mouth.  
  
Snape sat behind his desk quietly, a look of amused satisfaction on his face.  
  
Draco continued to babble behind his hands as the class sniggered. He finally stopped and glared at his house master. Snape pretended not to notice. "Now, I get to ask a question." Draco said, panting slightly and looking incredibly pissed. Snape gave a slight nod in Harry's direction. Draco smirked. "Potter, did you actually get anywhere with Cho Chang?"  
  
"Ye-" Harry did the same as Draco, and clamped his hands firmly over his traitorous mouth.  
  
"I thought a gentleman never told, Potter?" Draco smiled slightly. Harry gave him a glare of absolute hatred.  
  
"So, two buttons have been found. But there are still three floating, who haven't been asked. Or have they?" Snape decided to intervene before Potter got his wand out.  
  
Harry glared at Snape before turning back to Draco, "Who in all the school would you most like to date?"  
  
"G -mrhhmrmm." Draco glowered at Harry over his closed hands, locking the word inside his mouth. Three other surprised yelps filled the room before being cut off. Snape smiled evilly. This was fun. Oh so much fun. He looked around to see who the others were. Ah. His eyebrows raised slightly. Two more Gryffindors, and one Slytherin. The question was, was his class bright enough to pick up on the strangled yelps? On reflection, probably not.  
  
But one person had, a bright red Ronald Weasley sat in the corner with an intense look of fury adorning his face. Harry, being the smart, down-to- earth allround good guy that he was, soon caught on but said nothing, hoping not to alert the rest of the class to Ron's obvious distress. 'Ginny?' he mouthed behind the rest of the classes back. Ron gave him a pained look and slowly nodded his head once. Harry gave Draco a funny look, which could perhaps of been construed as rivalry. He had never even considered being with her. He had always been aware of her infatuation for him as had anyone else in the vicinity of the two. He looked over at Draco, now sweating like a pig, immense waves of panic washing down his face as he tried unsuccessfully to stare him down. Then all of a sudden, with no apparent explanation at all, he went calm, removed his hands from his mouth and stood up. With one slight motion of his arm, he signalled Crabbe and Goyle, conveiniently seated behind Harry, and they began to advance on him. Things happened way too fast for Harry and within a few seconds he had Harry's arms pinned behind his back. He grinned evilly and asked "Who was the subject of your last wet dream?" Half the girl's in the class turned away, feigning disgust but still listening, interested in the famous wizards tastes in women. Snape flinched and stared at Draco with a new found evil respect for the little brat. That would put that Harry kid in his place. He really should have stepped in put believed it was in his duty as a teacher to make sure none of the students grew to big of an ego..yes that was it, his duty as a teacher. "G-." he began but before he could finish a bright flash of light filled the room and Harry fell to the floor Petrified. All eyes turned to Hermione now lowering her wand, that is all eyes except for Dracos whose were staring at the stunned Harry with a look of total confusion on his face. He could guess from the small amount of noise that had escaped from Harry's lips, who it was. And so could Ron, who, in shock ran from the room screaming in a most feminine fashion.  
  
Snape sniggered to himself. Oh now, this was rich. "Miss Granger, a detention and fifty points from Gryffindor for using harmful magic against another student." No matter how much I agree the idiot needs it. "Mr Weasley, when he returns, may expect the same for skipping class. Disgraceful lack of control. Certainly not real Gryffindor material. Godric would turn in his grave, wherever it is, to see the lamentable lack of quality in the students carrying his name. And you interrupted the game, Miss Granger. No manners at all. Tsk, tsk." Snape shook his head slowly. Hermione blushed. "Now, we still haven't found three buttons. My turn, I think, to pose a question. Seeing as how Mr Potter is Petrified, he is incapable of continuing. Who has the buttons?" Three more strangled yelps. Oh, how greatly amusing. Snape smiled slowly, evilly. "Mr Finnegan, who bought the Butterbeer for the last Gryffindor house party?"  
  
"Harry." Sheamus said, then shrank down in his seat as glares from the Gryffindors burnt into him. Snape raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Oh, shit."  
  
"I'm sure professor Dumbledore will be glad to hear it." Snape purred, a cat that had found its prey fun to play with, but now descended for the meal. "The Veritaserum will wear off in a few hours." He said as the bell went. "Homework, research Veritaserum and write an account of today's lesson." The students basically ran from the classroom, especially those who had drunk the truth serum. Hermione unPetrified Harry and hurried him from the classroom. Draco Malfoy paused however, and walked to the front of the classroom. Snape looked at him coolly and asked "Did you want something Malfoy?"  
  
"Yes, professor Snape." He paused as he fought off the stream of drivel rising to his lips.  
  
"Well, get on with it, boy." Snape sneered.  
  
"Did you make sure I had the potion?"  
  
"No. It was random." He lied in response to Draco's look. "But it was amusing, to say the least. And now, Miss Weasley has appeared as another object to be fought over. Ah, Slytherin Gryffindor rivalry, where would we be with out it?" He asked rhetorically. "Whatever you do, I merely ask you be discreet. Having you dead, would be. . .messy. I like things neat, which means no dead students." He turned back to his desk and tidied his papers.  
  
"Don't worry about that. She wouldn't go out with me anyway." With that, Draco turned and left the room.  
  
Interesting developments. On the whole, this lesson went rather well. Snape put his papers away and looked towards the cupboard "You can come out now, they're gone."  
  
Remus Lupin half stepped, half fell out of a narrow closet in the corner. "What the hell was that all about?"  
  
"I was bored, so sue me." Snape said with a mild sneer.  
  
"Yeeesssssss, well, anyway, I should be going now."  
  
"What? You've only just come out of the closet." Snape said with a wry grin  
  
Remus stared at him and blinked a few times. "I'll just pretend that never came out of you're your mouth."  
  
"It's not the only thing that's coming out."  
  
Remus walked calmly up to Snape and slapped him across the back of the head.  
  
"Ow!?!" Snape yelped, then rubbed the back of his head.  
  
"You deserved it."  
  
"True, will you be staying for a drink?" Snape asked, the words Please say no please say no running through his mind  
  
"No, I think not."  
  
"Cheerio then." Snape said, looking back at his paperwork.  
  
"You really should see someone about that." Said Remus as he made his way to the fireplace.  
  
"What?"  
  
"That whole cheerio business. Soon you'll be saying things like spiffing and jolly good then. I really would have to shoot you, not to worry though its probably just an infection, should clear up in a few days with proper treatment" And with that he grabbed a pinch of flu powder and disappeared.  
  
"Damn werewolf." Snape growled. "Flea bitten mongrel." He gathered up his papers and swept out of the room. 


End file.
